*****MOON-SIZED SPOILERS!*****

Hammer Films, a British company reputed for their wonderfully grisly horror films (mainly Christopher Lee’s Frankenstein, Mummy and Dracula movies), hit their peak in the 1960s and made a few cult hits in other genres. These included such audaciously entertaining flicks as the late Raquel Welch’s dinosaur-cave people saga, “One Million Years B.C.” (1966) and the self-billed ‘first moon western’ known as “Moon Zero Two” (1969), produced when the world was in the grip of ‘moon fever.’ Coming a year after Stanley Kubrick’s definitive “2001: A Space Odyssey” and in the same year that Apollo 11 landed at the Sea of Tranquility (Neil Armstrong is referenced in the movie), “Moon Zero Two” is a much looser, funkier, space opera.

The movie was directed by Roy Ward Baker (1958’s “A Night to Remember”) from a screenplay by Michael Carreras (“One Million Years B.C”), based on a story by Martin Davison, Frank Hartman and Gavin Lyall. While it’s set in the then-far off year of 2021, the movie couldn’t be more of its time if it tried. There are so many uniquely sixties touches thrown into the mix, such as animated credits (remember those?), purple/green wigs, go-go boots, and a title song belted out by pop-jazz singer Julie Driscoll (“Season of the Witch”). Think “Space: 1999” meets “Austin Powers” and you get the idea…

“Moon Zero Two” (1969)

“Moon Zero Two” radiates with 1960s-energy; a blasting pop anthem (“Moooooooon, Zeee-ro Twoooo”) sung by Julie Driscoll over animated credits tells us exactly when and where we are; not the ‘future’ of 2021, but the past of 1969. Through the cartoon credits, we see American and Russian rivals fighting to be first on the moon. Once there, those heady explorers quickly get caught up in the rampant commercialism of a new frontier. The former space heroes become bystanders, as the moon is overrun with prospectors and settlers. This is a 2021 that never was…

Note: The animated credits, in addition to supplying backstory, also set the tone for this high-camp space opera. Tonally, it has much more in common with 1979’s “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” than 1968’s “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

In May of 2021, we see what looks like a beefier Apollo lunar lander roaming in near-lunar space. This ‘space ferry’ is given the unimaginative name of Moon Zero Two, and is piloted by former US astronaut Bill Kemp (James Olsen), the first man on Mars, who’s now living in near-anonymity on the moon as a rocket jock for-hire. Copiloting MZ2 is Kemp’s ambiguously Eastern European engineer, Karminski (Ori Levy). MZ2 closes in a damaged, abandoned satellite, for which Kemp is claiming salvage rights. Kemp dons a spacesuit to retrieve the satellite, which is then tucked under his arm, like a giant Space Age football. Kemp returns to his ship…

Note: In another universe, Kemp and Karminski could be a truckers in a 1970s road comedy, or even Han Solo and Chewbacca. While the actors do share a little bit of ‘buddy banter’, the script doesn’t really give them a solid chance to establish their long friendship/partnership.

Landing on the moon’s somewhat generically-named “Moon City,” Kemp and Karminski disembark from MZ2 and enter a spaceport terminal, which welcomes newly-arriving lunar immigrants with bold red signage. As the roguish Kemp and Karminski are immediately hassled by port authorities, they are quickly met by Moon City’s top moon cop, Liz Murphy (Adrienne Corri), who allows the two salvagers’ permission to take their damaged satellite for a claim. Kemp and Murphy share a less-than-objective relationship, as she often turns a blind eye to his shady missions in return for some quality horizontal time, later on…

Note: The character of Kemp could’ve used an actor with a bit more roguish charm. The late James Olsen (1930-2022) projects a more sinister, almost-serpentine energy. Olsen, who was excellent in “The Andromeda Strain,” is more suited to a poker-faced bureaucrat, or an evil scientist than a lovably-charming space rogue. This was a role more suited to a Sean Connery, James Caan or Burt Reynolds-type. To his credit, Olsen really does his best to fill the character’s moon boots, despite his arguable miscasting.

As Kemp and Karminski hit the locker room after their flight, a mysterious young woman (Catherine Schell) enters, looking for Kemp. Tipped off by Karminiski, she makes her way to the showers, where she meets a starkers Kemp, who angrily demands his privacy. The young woman leaves, embarrassed. Later, they meet again, and a fully-clothed Kemp is now a bit more open to hear what’s on her mind. The woman introduces herself as Clementine Taplin, and she is on Moon City looking for her brother, Wally, a prospector-miner who went missing during an excursion on the lunar far side.

Note: Catherine Schell, here billed as Catherina von Schell, would later return to the moon in Gerry Anderson’s space TV series, “Space: 1999.” In the show’s first season, she played a soulless robot in the first season’s “The Guardians of Piri,” and would return under alien makeup in season 2, as Moonbase Alpha’s resident science officer Maya, a native of the late planet Psychon, who was also a skilled shapeshifter.

As they discuss the terms of a deal, Clementine and Kemp hop a moon-train, with a nice view of the adjoining sections of Moon City, which was founded at the landing site of Neil Armstrong. Clementine says that her brother was last heard from at a mining camp where he staked a claim. The camp is roughly a day’s journey by moon-bug (pressurized rover) from the nearest settlement, Farside 5. Kemp assures Clementine that they can fly his MZ2 spacecraft to Farside 5, where they can rent a moon-bug and drive out to her brother’s last known location. The deal is all but finalized.

Note: A couple things. Yes, the movie overuses the prefix ‘moon’ in front of every other word; we hear Moon City, moon bug, moon-dollars, moon-this and moon-that. Chalk that one up to camp, I suppose. Second, this British-made film was released in the UK in October of 1969, only a few months after Apollo 11’s historic landing at the moon’s Sea of Tranquility. That Neil Armstrong was selected to be the commander of that flight was known months in advance, but the actual line of Kemp pointing out where “Neil Armstrong landed” sounds like it was dubbed in post-production, perhaps right after it was confirmed that Armstrong and Aldrin had safely landed in July of 1969.

Later, we see Kemp paying a booty call to Moon City’s top cop, Liz Murphy, who is dolled up in a pink wig, bra and nightgown. She only has a half hour before her shift, so they agree to just talk. Once he’s relaxed inside of her moon rock-walled apartment, she really lets him have it. Murphy tells her part-time lover that she’s tired of covering for his flagrant disregard of the law. She also mentions she’s close to impounding his aging wreck of a spaceship, which needs to be replaced or completely overhauled (not exactly the best pillow talk). Lying on her fur-blanketed bed, Kemp insists he has a job coming up, and that he needs to make some money before he can do either.

Note: Liz gets all dolled-up in her best pink porn wig, bra and nightie, yet she has to go on duty in half an hour…? She looks like an Austin Powers fembot.

Later, back at his own apartment, Kemp is called on by Harry (Bernard Bresslaw); a big, slow-witted henchman of shady moon-millionaire/industrialist, J.J. Hubbard (Warren Mitchell). Taken at gunpoint to Hubbard’s luxury moon-pad, the buffoonish Harry is then easily disarmed by Kemp. Not holding a grudge, Kemp remains anyway, just to hear Hubbard’s offer. Would-be Bond villain Hubbard (complete with Van Dyke beard and monocle), offers Kemp real scotch, not the flavored ‘rocket fuel’ of Moon City. Ushering his girls out of his room (too much ‘man-talk’ for their pretty ears), Hubbard gives a slideshow of an approaching asteroid; a small, unremarkable rock that is absolutely loaded with aluminum and sapphires. In what amounts to a forbidden act of space piracy, Hubbard wants Kemp to rendezvous with the rock, fit it with rockets for course changes, and fly it into the moon’s far side, making it appear to be a natural collision. The tiny asteroid is small enough not to attract too much attention upon impact, but its minerals will make all involved in its recovery very wealthy—a payday Kemp can’t afford to pass up. The launch window for rendezvous opens soon. Kemp takes the job.

Note: Filthy-rich billionaires cashing on in the privatization of space travel; well, that’s one prophecy of the movie that’s certainly come to pass.

Waiting to meet Kemp at Moon City’s renowned “Space Bar” (not making that up), Clementine sits quietly as rowdy miners from Farside 5 show up for drinks and to ogle the go-go dancers (who are clad in horribly racist Native American adornments). As the Farside miners enter, the barkeep quickly hides all valuables. Clementine innocently asks one of the miners if they know her brother, Wally Taplin. They don’t, or so they say. As they talk, Clementine is relieved to see Kemp show up. Kemp’s sheer maleness causes the miners to scurry away, as he negotiates the final arrangements with Clementine for her sojourn to the lunar far side. After settling terms, Kemp goes to the bar for some flavored rocket fuel. Once there, he’s manhandled by henchman Harry, who reminds the rogue pilot that he already works for Hubbard. Kemp tells the burly, bumbling oaf that he’s a private contractor, and that he best take his mitts off his arm. Harry is then sent tumbling right into the crowd of angry miners, and an old-fashioned, Wild West bar fight ensues. Kemp evens the odds by shutting off the bar’s Earth-gravity simulator, forcing all combatants to continue their brawl in the moon’s native one-sixth G…

Note: The next several minutes are like a Mel Brooks comedy running at one-third speed. Slow motion is used to simulate lunar gravity, as stuntmen are flown across the room on wires, as they pretend to be reeling from low-gravity punches and throws. It’s easily the funniest scene in the entire movie, and almost worth the price of admission by itself.

As his Hubbard mission begins the following day, Kemp and Karminski are suited up for their rendezvous with the asteroid. Kemp once again lies to Murphy, telling her that he’s testing out a new doohickey in his ship, blah, blah, blah, and she once again turns a blind eye. At the Moon City spaceport, Kemp and Karminski are surprised to see Hubbard and several of his henchmen, including Harry. Hubbard’s men are wearing spacesuits as well, because Hubbard wants them on the flight as insurance. Kemp and Karminski aren’t exactly thrilled, but they reluctantly agree…

Note: The all-white, retro-futuristic interiors of Moon City’s spaceport terminal have a sleek aesthetic similar to Gerry Anderson’s “UFO” (1969-70) and “Space: 1999” (1975-7) While Anderson’s two shows were technically not related, “Space: 1999” originally began life as a planned followup to Anderson’s failed “UFO.” Both “UFO” and “Moon Zero Two” feature women characters wearing skimpy outfits and bright, unnaturally-hued wigs (pink, purple, green, etc).

In the first of two planned encounters with the asteroid, MZ2 approaches the tiny space rock, which has shards of raw sapphires protruding from all over its mineral-rich core. Karminski stays behind in the ship, as Kemp and Hubbard’s men float over to the asteroid and attach a pair of maneuvering rockets to alter its course. This moves the asteroid towards lunar orbit, where it will be de-orbited over the lunar far side, for a controlled landing at an as-yet-undisclosed point. With Phase One of the plan complete, MZ2 returns to Moon City…

Note: Despite how absurdly it’s presented in the movie, the idea of using small rockets/spacecraft to alter the courses of asteroids and comets was recently tested last year (2022) with NASA/JPL’s DART (Double Asteroid Redirection Test) mission. Caltech’s last update from DART, as of October of 2022: “The DART spacecraft successfully impacted the asteroid Dimorphos on September 26, reducing the period of the asteroid’s orbit by 32 minutes. Scientists considered a change of 73 seconds to be the minimum amount for success. This article has been updated to reflect the latest data and images from the impact.” See: JPL/NASA Dart Mission. This pioneering technology test might be the key to saving Earth from a deadly asteroid/comet impact someday…

Back on the moon, Kemp fulfills his other charter by flying Clementine in MZ2 out to Farside 5, a journey his spacecraft makes in a matter of minutes. However, since the terrain around the mining camp is too rough for a direct landing, Kemp and Clementine will have to rent a moon-bug from Farside 5 base, and drive out to the mining camp location themselves.

Note: The decorative gateway to the “Farside 5” dome complex is in the architectural style of an Old West frontier town. While this reinforces the movie’s “western in space” vibe (as the posters tell us), exposed organic wood on the lunar surface would be highly impractical, considering the hard vacuum and extreme heat fluctuations. Just saying…

Inside one of the Farside 5 domes, Kemp and Clementine meet a man named Smith (Joby Blanshard), from whom they hope to rent a moon-bug. Smith tells them that he already has one rented out, and that the other is due for an overhaul. Clementine worries that Wally might be injured or otherwise unable to seek help. In her desperation, they decide to rent the last remaining rover, whatever its condition. Asking if the vehicle will at least get them to the mining camp, the shady Smith makes no guarantees. Kemp and Clementine board the vehicle and drive out through the airlock, into the rough lunar terrain ahead…

Note: The outfits worn by Smith, and even Clementine, with their high collars, severe cuts, dark colors, and rectangular badges on the chest, look very similar to the outfits worn by the Imperial officers in the various Star Wars movies and TV shows. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if George Lucas (and original Oscar-winning “Star Wars” costume designer John Mollo) were at least partly inspired by “Moon Zero Two” in some small way. Speaking of “Star Wars,” “Moon Zero Two” was also shot on the famed Elstree Studios in Borehamwood, north of London; the same studio where the original “Star Wars” would begin filming a few years later, in 1976.

During their long drive, it finally dawns on Clementine that Kemp is William Kemp; the first astronaut to set foot on Mars. Clementine remembers being a schoolgirl at the time of Kemp’s historic mission (ouch!). She finds it interesting that, as an adult, she’s now riding across the moon’s surface with a space legend. When asked why he isn’t out exploring Jupiter’s moons or Mercury, Kemp tells her that space tourism, commercial travel, and lunar settlements now dominate the industry. Exploration for its own sake has ground to a halt. At one point, Kemp wanted very badly to explore Mercury, but plans for that expedition evaporated. Soon, they’re approaching the site of Wally’s mining operation. They suit up, and prepare to exit the vehicle…

Note: While the pace of the buggy ride out to Wally’s mining camp might feel a tad sluggish, it does offer one of the few scenes of genuine character development between bitter ex-space explorer Kemp and Clementine, who (at this point) still holds out hope for her brother’s rescue. This scene of the ‘space western’ feels a bit like the interaction between grizzled gun-for-hire Rooster Cogburn and young Mattie Ross (who hired Cogburn to search for her father’s killer) in both versions of “True Grit” (1969/2010; personally, I prefer the 2010 version).

Disembarking, the two see evidence that they’re in the right place, including abandoned mining equipment, and a seemingly abandoned second rover. As she rounds a corner, Clementine spots a spacesuited figure standing nearby. Excitedly, she rushes toward the person, calling out over the helmet mic, “Wally?” As she touches the figure’s shoulder, it collapses—its body turning to dust within the pressure suit. Inside the helmet’s visor, Clementine sees the withered skull of what had been her brother. As she screams over the mic, Kemp hears her, and runs over. Removing Wally’s life-support pack, Kemp finds one of Wally’s air cartridges, still partly filled. They decide to save it. Clementine also finds a moon rock with a rich vein of nickel in it—this is the reason Wally made the claim. Before long, Kemp and Clementine spot several spacesuited figures approaching, and the two of them hide.

Note: With the withered skull of poor dead Wally visible within his helmet, Hammer Film Production’s horror movie roots are definitely showing…

The figures, clad in bright blue, red, yellow and green spacesuits are carrying guns and are looking for anyone intruding upon the site. A deadly shootout occurs. After one of the brightly-clad goons is shot, Kemp tries to keep him alive for information, but the spare oxygen pack from Wally’s life-support system kills the man. Someone replaced one of Wally’s oxygen pack with toxic gas. Wally didn’t just asphyxiate—he was murdered. Kemp manages to kill the remaining goons, one by one, but his rover is rendered inoperable in the shootout. With no choice, Kemp and Clementine board the other mining rover. Kemp uses the rover’s large scoop to push some rocky debris out of their way in a narrow canyon shortcut, as the two of them begin their long drive back to Farside 5 base…

Note: The combatants appear to be using 1960s-style pistols (with wooden grips, no less). Such antiquated weapons can’t fire in a vacuum, since there’s no oxygen to ignite their gun powder. However, modern guns have their own oxidizers, which would allow them to shoot in a vacuum. One just assumes that the guns being used in this scene were merely antique in appearance, not function. Also the scenes of guns being at the moon buggies reminded me of the soundless lunar buggy attack sequence in the visually dazzling, but dramatically inert James Gray film, “Ad Astra” (2019).

Safe in their new ride (for the time being), things begin to rapidly heat up as lunar sunrise occurs—it’s unfiltered light pouring into the small cabin of the rover. Even with the rover’s sunshade, diminished life-support systems within the cabin prove ineffective against the rising heat. Even reserve packs of emergency water are too hot to sip. Their battery power running low, Kemp isn’t sure if they can make it all the way back to Farside 5, which is still several miles away. Making matters worse, the oxygen in the rover begins to bottom out. Without breathable air, Kemp and Clementine don their spacesuits and abandon the rover, choosing to walk the rest of the way…

Note: Several minutes of a sweaty Kemp and Clementine stripped down to their moon-undies seems consciously designed to amp up the movie’s sex appeal, even if it fits within the realm of their situation. Clementine, who’d been dressed rather chastely up to this point, strips down to her swimsuit-like underwear, suggesting that if it gets any hotter, she’ll “have to take the rest of it off, as well.” Yeah, that’d be a real shame, said no one watching this movie ever…

Kemp and Clementine reach the airlock of the Farside 5 dome, only to met by moon cop Liz Murphy, who is in no mood for excuses. She wants them both arrested for a slew of violations, until Kemp pulls out an oxygen cartridge and holds it up to equipment renter Smith’s face—he reacts as if he were being poisoned, proving that he provided the lethal oxygen pack to Clementine’s brother. The plot thickens as Hubbard and his henchmen show up. Murphy, who now believes Kemp and Clementine’s story, tries to have Hubbard arrested, but henchman Harry shoots her. As Murphy dies in her part-time lover Kemp’s arms, Hubbard tells the former Mars walker that they will now return to the asteroid and prepare for its impact. It’s due to impact on the mining site, giving Hubbard exclusive rights to both the sapphires and Wally’s rich nickel vein, since the late Wally’s claim to the site expired only a half hour earlier. Kemp refuses to help. Hubbard tells him they’ll kill Clementine if he doesn’t.

Note: Adrienne Corri’s Liz Murphy was a kick-ass character who wasn’t afraid to use her charms when needed. Her greatest weakness was her attraction to Bill Kemp. However, for 1969, the character was ahead of her time, foreshadowing Warrant Officer Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) in “ALIEN (1979), Security Chief Tasha Yar (Denise Crosby) in “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” and so many others.

The movie then cuts to the second phase of the asteroid’s retrieval. Hubbard and his men are all participating in this mission in order to keep a closer eye on Kemp. Aboard the MZ2, spacesuited engineer Karminski is handcuffed to a ladder. Hubbard, Harry and the other henchmen are standing on the surface of the tiny asteroid, as Kemp carefully attaches the rocket. Without warning, Kemp manages to grab one of the henchman’s guns, and shoots Hubbard. Chaos ensues.

Note: I could almost imagine the dialogue and sound effects of this scene muted, with only Benny Hill’s “Yakety Sax” playing instead…

Exploiting the henchmen’s distraction, Karminski uses his hardwired helmet phone to secretly guide Clementine on how to pilot the ship away from the asteroid by throwing it into reverse thrust. It works. Kemp then bangs the rocket with a wrench, forcing its premature firing. The asteroid, with the remainder of Hubbard’s men still anchored to it, flies out of control toward the lunar surface. Thanks to the laws of movie physics, Kemp then leaps off the asteroid, into the direction of his waiting ship. Because of course, he does…

Note: Glad they gave Clementine at least one really heroic bit of business to do in this movie. Actress Catherine Schell would make up for this movie’s action heroine deficit many times over with her role as Maya on “Space: 1999” as her character’s shapeshifting abilities allowed her to solve nearly every crisis that came up during that show’s second season.

The asteroid impacts the moon’s surface, directly into Wally’s mining site, as planned. Hubbard and his men are dead, Liz and Wally’s deaths are avenged, and the mining rights are automatically reinstated to Wally’s next of kin, Clementine. With the newly-arrived sapphires only adding to the rich vein of nickel found at Wally’s mining site, Clementine will soon be a very wealthy lady…

Note: For a movie populated with so many unlikeable characters in dire situations, I have to say, this is a surprisingly mega-happy ending.

The End.

Note: While not on a par with “2001: A Space Odyssey” (few movies are, even today), the visual effects of “Moon Zero Two” are better executed than some of its contemporaries, such as 1969’s “Marooned”; a Hollywood-made movie about a stranded space capsule in Earth orbit. The visual effects of “Marooned” featured thick matte lines, overexposed star fields, and clumsily composited blue-screen shots, yet it (somehow) also took home the Oscar for Best Visual Effects in 1970. “Moon Zero Two,” for all of its “Austin Powers”-like silliness, sports greater technical sophistication, particularly with its miniatures. Just saying…

Summing It Up

The late James Olsen (1930-2022), best known for his stellar work in 1971’s “The Andromeda Strain,” is not exactly ideally cast as a hard-drinking, roguish rocket-man. James Olsen’s overall energy practically screams evil scientist or sinister bureaucrat, not space cowboy. However, to the actor’s credit, he gives it his all. Costar Catherine Schell would return to the moon a few years later, in Gerry Anderson’s equally bizarre, yet equally enjoyable “Space: 1999.” Ori Levy plays up his character’s somewhat ambiguous Eastern European origins (Levy himself was born in Tel Aviv). Warren Mitchell does his best as second rate Bond-villain “Hubbard,” while Adrienne Corri’s tough lunar cop Liz Murphy is surprisingly ahead of her time.

With an arguably miscast but earnest lead actor, a none-too-challenging story, and a lot of 1960s flourishes, “Moon Zero Two” is a lovably weird curiosity. The movie also sports a cosmically silly production design (“2001” meets “Barbarella”), as well as some interesting miniature effects. The movie featured some of the greats in analog visual effects, including Les Bowie (“Superman: The Movie”), Wally Veevers (“The Rocky Horror Picture Show”) and Brian Johnson (“Space: 1999,” “Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back”). It’s not that the miniatures are entirely realistic, but they’re wonderfully tactile; like the space toys you played with in your bedroom, as a kid. Despite all of its boozy, swinging-adult shenanigans, there’s an almost childlike sense of play hovering over this admittedly silly film.

With its animated credits, ample servings of heady Space Age optimism, minor rebukes of frontier capitalism, and a lot of good silly fun, it’s hard not to enjoy a chuckle or two with this wonderfully retro space adventure. Billed as “the first western on the moon,” the movie is a primitive forerunner of 2019’s “Ad Astra,” but with a madcap sense of humor. If you’re a fan of Gerry Anderson-style space sagas, and don’t mind a generous helping of camp in your sci-fi, you could do a lot worse than spending 100 minutes on “Moon Zero Two.”

Where To Watch

According to online sources, “Moon Zero Two” is available to rent/stream on PlutoTV, PrimeVideo and iTunes (standard definition only). I have the movie on a Warner Archive DVD that I purchased several years ago, from Amazon.com. For this review, I watched the film on my 7 ft. collapsible screen, streamed from an HD projector, using my own DVD. Not exactly 4K BluRay, but it did the trick. However you choose to enjoy this silly space opera, it might be worth a few “moon bucks.” There is also a Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of the film (one of the earliest episodes of that series, in fact) that is worth tracking down, if possible.